Phoenix Rendezvous

Fire rites: inner revolution on a binge

Parts of me have travelled through uncounted time and space

I feel.

I want to say what I mean.

And mean what I am feeling.

I’m trying.

No need to run outside for better seeing.

Or walk to nearby windows.

Staying here—the right place for being.

So Sartre said.

The more I leave it

The less I’m free

Search your heart and see,

We are not unwise to be reborn gradually.

The way to do is to be

(I’ve always felt that).

The way to be is to do

(That thought has plagued me too).

I’m sighing.

I’ve ordered and organized reality,

Too often simplifying

I thought the price right, buying

Letting it happen to life I once called sacred.

I’ve been lying.

It’s been harder than I thought to love prevent.

Am I fading?

Awareness haunts me, and simply utter chaos.

Today untamed, tomorrow unnamed.

Not really knowing if I am going

To a meeting between my other selves and i

Or to a soulless flying.

Phoenix Rendezvous?

Letting go is like this: fear and lying, faith and crying.

And bargaining, no denying.

Giving up puts backward parts of me behind,

Yielding a different mind,

Where brokenness is sane.

The pathfinder is pain.

Joyful revolution, the seductive gain,

Some say even cellular change.

That’s what we came here for.

Gods always ask us for more.

I am fading

Quenching colliding forces and hatching new self.

Composure never quite setting in.

Instead, my consciousness and being.

Grasping one another, flex and unbend,

With endless ends and new beginnings.

Fire rites: flames licking,

Transformation finds a home again.

A Life That Has Been..

The time in between passing out of high school and joining a college is like standing on the edge of the cliff, ready to jump. You know that there is water down below but you don’t know how far down it is or how choppy it is. It is at this very instant that the proverbial “life flashing by” occurs. The comforting thought of falling on solid ground while you were there now ceases to exist. It is replaced by the fear of the unknown. I now find myself at that same juncture. And yes, I do look back and reflect on the life that has been.

By far, it is the last 6 years that have made a huge difference to me. The first three of those 6 were spent in a place that I may never forget. I was in 7^th when I first came to Pune. At that time I didn’t know anything beyond what a 12 year old should know, but that first year there changed everything. Suddenly, I was open to all the things I never knew was possible for someone so young, and it was AWESOME. A lot of shit happened too but I’d rather like to keep it buried. 7^th passed soon and then came 8^th. Now this was when I found the best of friends. Together we thought we could win the world and nothing could change us. 8^th and 9^th were too good for words, full of pranks and football and fucking around a lot. We became such good friends that when I had to leave Pune after 9^th, I fought everyone who said it was for the best. At that time, you wouldn’t care for what was best as long as you were having fun, but in the end, parents have the final say, like they always do and thus I landed in Hyderabad at a time when no one would have considered moving. I was forced to join a special “IIT Training” tuition that gave me nightmares. And then there was school which was so frustrating that I convinced myself that I would end up a loner.

I tried to distance myself from everything. I was hostile to classmates, didn’t care for shit what they thought, bunked the iit classes and went gaming instead. I lied to more people that I would care to admit, but it felt GOOD. I was there fighting for what I felt was the right thing to do. Then the unexpected happened. I met 4 guys who turned it all around. I ended up having the best time of my life that year and even met D.  I’d like to think that I am very lucky to have bumped into K, S and D because let me tell you, you both crazy idiots have become a huge part of my life and I would never part with you.

11^th and 12^th are said to be the most important years of once life and that to us meant just one thing: “N”. it was in my mind nothing more than a factory that churned out IITians every year without fail. The timings were inhuman, atmosphere gruesome. It would come as no surprise that I HATE THAT PLACE. So bad that I wanted to run away (yet again) but I didn’t, because I had no chice, that much was certain. But as with DAV, this time too I met these few people. On reflection, it seemed natural because we were all chronic backbenchers and so had to have something common :P What followed next was another bond that I hope never breaks. Of all the people there, A, S and R were and continue to be my best friends. These two years have been a roller coaster but they made it worth it, from the inside jokes to the weekly football trips, every memory is like a diamond.

And now as I write this and soon going away, I look back and see what I thought was irreplaceable has been replaced. I never thought my time in Hyderabad would be more memorable than my time in Pune. And it is all thanks to the six people I hope I time would never steal from me. We may all go different ways in the next couple of months, but I feel sure that somehow, we will never be far away.

Hallowed be thy name

Hallowed be thy name is a song that is instantly recognized by anyone remotely familiar with Iron Maiden, and rightly so. It is an outstanding piece of art, a timeless classic. The music, which as we have come to expect of Maiden is mind blowing but the crown jewel of the song is its lyrics. Steve Harris can rightfully claim his place as one of the greatest songwriters with this being his masterpiece. The song describes the last thoughts going through the mind of a convict sentenced to death. What follows is a hauntingly beautiful account of those thoughts.

I'm waiting in my cold cell when the bell begins to chime

 Reflecting on my past life and it doesn't have much time

 'Cause at 5 o'clock they take me to the Gallows Pole

 The sands of time for me are running low

 When the priest comes to read me the last rites

 I take a look through the bars at the last sights

 Of a world that has gone very wrong for me

 Can it be that there's some sort of an error

 Hard to stop the surmounting terror

 Is it really the end not some crazy dream?

 Somebody please tell me that I'm dreaming

 It's not easy to stop from screaming

 But words escape me when I try to speak

 Tears they flow but why am I crying?

 After all I am not afraid of dying

 Don't I believe that there never is an end?

 As the guards march me out to the courtyard

 Someone calls from a cell "God be with you"

 If there's a God then why has he let me die?

 As I walk all my life drifts before me

 And though the end is near I'm not sorry

 Catch my soul 'cause it's willing to fly away

 Mark my words believe my soul lives on

 Don't worry now that I have gone

 I've gone beyond to seek the truth

 When you know that your time is close at hand

 Maybe then you'll begin to understand

 Life down there is just a strange illusion