Musings of a Confused Mind

Dusk dawn on me, so cold so cold,
A light sliver from the night I see, unfold,
And the coldest wind it blows on me,
As the sky seeps into black,
And the nervous sick inside of me,
Holding itself back,
And I cant see in front of me,
And I cant see behind,
And I don't know where I'm going,
Or the things that I will find.

Now let my ceiling turn to sky,
And let it darkened be,
And let the air run through my throat,
And rise me up to sea,
And everything is falling,
And I am losing time,
But the air is holding me,
And keeping me alive,
And as I rise I feel the stars,
Start to swallow me,
And in the dark I felt my heart,
Struggling to break free.
And if you try walking towards the light,
You too shall be.

Birthdays on Retrospection

Birthdays. Day of birth. Janmadiwas and what not. You only get one per year and there's always great expectations going into it. It did used to be the day when all your friends and family come over to your house, cut some cake, play games and tear open the gifts and just go bonkers with delight. And then you grow up and with that goes the joy you get from all the smaller things. You begin to understand, you become 'mature' and with that a little selfish. The number of gifts doesn't satisfy you anymore, it's what inside them that counts, family celebration tends to take the backseat and you only want to go out and party with your peeps. The expectations are much higher than before and you'll look forward to it more than ever. As the 18th approaches the feeling cannot be described. Officially an adult, legally permitted to do whatever you want, complete freedom in front of you and for special gifts for this special occasion. But then you slowly start to realize that birthdays are overrated. When you look back, you'll find them to be routine except for a few surprises and maybe some unforgettable moments but mostly just like any other day. All the parties and grand eloquent gestures don't seem to appeal to you anymore and the day turns out to be much more ordinary than you've imagined it to be. And if you happen to be in college, and if your birthday is anywhere near the exam time, you might as well just forget it's your birthday. They're gonna make you overwork and piss you off so bad that it pretty much ruins everything. So when you finally return from the ordeal you might find something as you go through all your birthday wishes, something that can turn your day around. It could be a small text from a long lost friend or a mail from a dear one but you will find it just when you've given up on trying to make it any better. And that's when you realize that sure, grand gestures are pretty great and make for a great snap but in the end it is the small things that count. The small things that make your day. The small things that bring back the joy of the past, the same joy of those parties with friends and family, of those silly little games and of ripping open those gifts. Because it is these small things that make you feel loved, and that's what makes birthdays so special.